


Unwise Maturity

by littlewonder



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Aftermath, Confrontations, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Historical, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Phone Calls & Telephones, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 16:04:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19976788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlewonder/pseuds/littlewonder
Summary: Years after losing their only son, Neil, the Perrys have another son. But Todd, who knows the real reason that Neil died, doesn't want to see history repeat itself. So he confronts Mr Perry.





	Unwise Maturity

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted to [LJ](https://littlewonder2.livejournal.com/30413.html)

It had taken years for the Perrys to move on from the Keating incident. Mr Perry never thought he would forgive the man for driving his only son to suicide. It was only until the early sixties that they both had the bravery to try again.

His wife had been more upset than anyone over Neil's death, but she was excited as anyone for the new child, despite the slightly heightened risks on her health for pregnancy at her age. Everyone knew, of course, that women stop being able to have children past a certain age. He certainly didn't think it was still possible for her, well into her forties. But she just wouldn't leave well enough alone, and he gave in to her.

A part of her insistence reminded him of Neil. God rest his soul.

His second son, Nick Perry, was considered a miracle by much of the family. He grew into just as capable a young man as Neil was. But there was still that niggling doubt...

By the late seventies, Nick was about the same age as Neil and ready for preparatory school. The world had changed so much since Neil, though, everywhere hippies were rising up against the government. Who was it for them to judge how the world was run? We were doing just fine, thank you.

And yet there was Nick, watching them and engaging in the same claptrap they were always spouting. Like he wanted to be one of them or something... "No, absolutely not. You are going into Ivy League school and becoming a doctor."

And that was that. Only, there were still those same echoes of Neil every night, and he started to have recurring nightmares about finding Nick end up the same way. But there were opportunities in this day and age...

He was getting too old for this. At the age he was when Neil was a teenager... now he moved with a walking stick and even less hair to be seen on his head. He wasn't even sure he'd live to see Nick become a doctor like he always dreamed he would.

The world was changing... Everywhere, people were started to tell him, let your children run free. Stop forcing them to following your paths. Teenagers can think for themselves.

Hogwash.

Only, Nick was falling for it hook, line and sinker. He tried to talk his son out of his silly ridiculous "ideals" but he wouldn't hear any of it. It was as if Keating had already corrupted his second son now, too, and it wouldn't be long before he heard that gunshot again in the night...

He hated Keating more than anyone. For taking his son away, for forcing him to go through all this...

He called Keating. He had nothing to do with his son. Hadn't taught for years, in fact. Damn bastard deserved it. He hung up before Keating could talk him into any more of his silly ideas.

He put his son through therapy, and Nick fought it all the way. Normally, this would have been the height of dishonour, but people these days had no respect, no damn respect at all. And then, get this, the damn therapist had the nerve to tell him -- in front of his son -- that there was nothing wrong him, nothing at all. No suicidal tendancies. She even went so far as to side with Nick! 

How dare she defy his authority! And to make matters worse, she even suggested that he, Tom Perry, ought to be the one in therapy! "I don't need this. Nick, come on, we're going --"

"Nick may not have any issues now, but he will if you order him around like a slave!" the therapist cut over him.

"How dare you!" cried Perry. "I am raising my son no differently to how any parent should --"

"And I suppose that's why Neil found the need to kill himself under your watchful eye?"

Tom Perry went silent. No one talked to him about Neil like that, no one. For all conversation was worth, Neil had maybe come up merely four times since Nick was born. And at least that had been respectful. This... was just insulting to his son's memory.

"Nick, go wait in the car."

His didn't need to be told twice. That's what the pillar of discipline had brought him in his sons. Obediance. They way it should be.

He must have shouted at her for seven solid minutes before wearing himself out and leaving.

Yet no matter what he had shouted at her, her words still pervaded his mind as he drove the car in absolute silence. 'Is that why he felt the need to kill himself...?' No, Neil didn't... Mr Perry had only ever wanted the best for his son. He would never...

The replayed the scene earlier that night in his head; his decision, Neil's protests, 'That's a lifetime -- you never ask how I feel!' He had replayed that scene for years, but for the first time, he saw it from a new perspective. The catalyst...

No! It was never his fault! It couldn't be! He only wanted the best for his son... Yet it was his fault... his and that damn Keating's...

He stopped the car. "Dad, what are you --"

Mr Perry breathed, leaning over the steering wheel. "Do you believe what that woman said? About Neil?"

"I -- I don't know, dad, I was alive back then. How would I know?"

Mr Perry sighed again. He started up the car again. "I wish they had phones you could carry around with you," he mumbled, thinking back to Welton, back when Neil was alive... "Because I could use one right now."

He wasn't going to call Welton. No, they had done their duty a long time ago, and they had shut down just a few years ago due to some other scandal. He thought back to those days, thinking about who he knew from that time, who he could talk to about Neil.

There was only one left that he still knew from then. Todd Anderson was a small-time poet who had settled down just a few suburbs over from where the Perrys had moved to after Welton. He would have to stop off somewhere to look him up in the phonebook before he got home.

He called the number from the privacy of the drawing room. "Mr Anderson? I understand you knew my boy Neil back in Welton Academy?"

He went so silent on the other end, Mr Perry wondered if Anderson had walked away from the phone. "Hello? Are you there?"

"I'm here!" Mr Anderson said urgently, slightly on edge.

"So were you or not?"

"Yes."

Just as much of a weirdo as he was back then. "You're a reasonable man, aren't you? Could you tell me why you think he... did what he did?"

And again, Anderson went silent again. "Hello? Oh, for Christ's sake..."

"I'm here! Sorry, I was... just confused. Why are you talking to me about this?"

Yes, why was he? "Well, if you're not going to talk to me like a normal adult --"

"No, I am, I just..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... Well, go on. Do you blame me?"

"Well..."

"Anderson --"

"Yes!"

And there it was. Right from the horse's mouth. Suddenly, Mr Perry was the bad guy here. "And why do you think that? Because I wanted to provide a good life for my son --?"

"Because you never gave a damn about what he wanted! If you really cared about the happiness of your son, you wouldn't have pushed him so hard to do what you wanted him to do, you wouldn't have pushed him so hard that he hated what you made of his life, like he had no opinions, like he wasn't a real person. Like he couldn't be who he was. All his life, he had to make you happy, and if you weren't, he wasn't worth shit, Mr Perry! A real parent would live for their children, not the other way around..."

"And I suppose you're a parent, Mr Anderson?"

"No, I... never met the right person. Or at least..."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"If you're not a parent, then who are you to judge?"

"As a son who was raised as second best to my big brother... I could sympathise with Neil. But then there he was, making me feel better about my own situation at the same time as he was trying to deal with his."

"So I'm a burden, is that it?" asked Mr Perry.

"Well... yeah," said Anderson. "But... I'm still confused... why you're talking to me about it? Are you finally starting to regret your actions...?"

"I did nothing wrong!"

"Then why are you talking to me?"

Mr Perry was quiet now. The sucker had him there. "Hello?" said Anderson.

"Yeah, I'm here," said Perry, his voice almost bored. "Goodbye, Mr Anderson."

"Goodb--" Click.

Well shit. Mr Perry looked at his reflection in the mirror, withered and faded and white. There were demons haunting those darkened eyes...

And for the first time since his son's death, he broke down crying. How could he do this to his son? There was a hole in his heart, and no son, no other person could ever take its place. And now his life... was shrivelled down to nothing. He wouldn't be long for this world now...


End file.
